Letting Go of Me Is Your Greatest Mistake in Life



I slumped by the bedside. Blood kept gushing from my mouth. I couldn't stop it.

My three-year-old daughter cried as she wiped my mouth over and over with tissues.

"Mommy, what's wrong? I'm scared," she said.

I wanted to reach out and hug her, but I couldn't muster the strength.

"Mommy, I will go find Daddy. I will get Daddy to save you, okay?" she said.

Leah ran barefoot to the living room to get the phone.

She finally got the phone, but couldn't unlock it.

"Mommy, I can't unlock the phone. I can't call Daddy. Can you help me unlock it?" she said.

Leah pushed the phone into my hand. I lifted my hand with difficulty and slowly entered the password.

Leah saw the phone unlock and quickly called Hudson.

I had taught Leah how to call Hudson before. She found Hudson's number right away and dialed it.

The phone rang for a long time before he answered.

"Hailey, didn't I tell you not to bother me if it's nothing important? I'm very busy," Hudson said impatiently.

Hudson's impatient voice came through the phone. Leah was startled.

Leah glanced at me, too weak to get up. She spoke timidly into the phone.

"Daddy, Mommy is sick. Can you come save her?" she asked.

Hudson was stunned when he heard Leah's voice. Then he sneered.

"Hailey, you've outdone yourself. You're using Leah now. How dare you?" he said mockingly.

Hearing Hudson's mocking words. I spat out another mouthful of blood. My vision started to blur.

Leah didn't understand what Hudson was saying. She just kept crying.

"Daddy, Mommy is going to die. Please come save her, okay?" she pleaded.

Hudson was completely enraged on the other end of the line.

"You're just like your mom. Both of you are liars. If she's going to die, let her die sooner," he said.

As Hudson finished speaking and was about to hang up, a clear, childish voice came from his end.

"Daddy, hurry up and cut the cake. It's almost midnight," the child said.

Hudson lowered his voice. He spoke gently to the child.

"Alright, I'm coming now," he said.

The last bit of hope in my heart finally disappeared.

So, he was celebrating his dream girl's birthday. No wonder he was angry that Leah and I interrupted him.

Leah stared at the disconnected call, feeling helpless.

I wanted to lift my hand and pat her little head to tell her it was okay, but I had no strength left.

My consciousness slowly faded. My past flashed before my eyes like film strips.

I thought, "I'm going to die."

It had only been two months since my cancer diagnosis. My life had just begun, and now it was ending.

2

When I opened my eyes again, I had already become a spirit floating in the air.

I looked down. Leah was shaking me.

"Mommy, please wake up, okay? I'm so hungry. I want to eat," she said, pleading.

My body was just sitting quietly against the bed. My head was lowered. it would look like I was just asleep.

"Leah, I'm sorry. I should have taken you away sooner," I whispered, full of regret.

Even as a spirit, my heart ached so much. It was hard to breathe.

Leah was still a child. What would happen to her now?

"Mommy, are you sleeping? I won't bother you. I will sleep with you, okay?" she asked softly.

Leah curled up into a circle next to me. She blinked her big eyes. I wasn't sure what she was thinking. Then, she slowly fell asleep next to me.

At 3 a.m., the door creaked open.

Hudson walked in. He didn't turn on the lights.

Leah was woken by the sound of the door opening. She rubbed her eyes. She got up and walked out.

When Hudson saw Leah, a trace of displeasure flashed in his eyes.

"Leah, why are you still up so late? Don't you have school tomorrow?" he asked, irritated.

Leah shook her head. Then she nodded. She stood there, unsure of what to do.

"Where's your mom? It's so late, How dare she let you run around on your own," Hudson said, frustrated.

Hudson took Leah's hand and walked toward the master bedroom where I had been sleeping.

I followed them, my heart pounding with nervous anticipation.

Would Hudson feel even a hint of regret or sadness when he realized that I was already dead?

3

He pushed the door halfway open. He saw me sitting on the other side of the bed.

In the moonlight, Hudson only saw a figure from behind.

"Hailey, what nonsense are you up to again?" Hudson said, "You're a mom now. Why don't you let Leah sleep at this time? What's with the whole brooding act?"

When I didn't answer, Hudson gently nudged Leah and pushed her into the room.

"Hurry up ," Hudson said, "If you're not resting, she still needs to. She has school tomorrow."

I spoke in his ear, but he couldn't hear a word.

"Hudson, I'm dead! I can't coax Leah to rest anymore," I shouted, "Can you please take her out? She'll be scared if she finds out I'm dead."

No matter how much I yelled, Hudson couldn't hear me.

When I didn't respond, Hudson rubbed his temples. A trace of anger was on his face.

"Hailey, what's the point of that expression all day long?" Hudson said, "I can let go of the past, but I hope you can reflect on yourself and not be a bad influence on Leah."

"Hudson, just walk in!" I pleaded, "If you walk in, you'll see I'm already dead."

Anxious, I rushed toward Hudson. I wanted to drag him into the room to see that I was dead. But I just passed right through him.

"Hailey, you should reflect on yourself," Hudson said.

When I still didn't respond, Hudson slammed the door shut, isolating Leah and me in the master bedroom. He then went back to the study.

The small flicker of hope in my heart was extinguished completely.

Leah, probably too tired, came over to rest beside me.

She quickly fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning at eight, Hudson got up, washed up, and went to the living room. He saw the empty dining table and frowned.

I used to get up at six to make breakfast. Just so Hudson could have a hot meal as soon as he woke up.

At that moment, the lock on the master bedroom door clicked. Leah walked out of the room.

Her clothes were covered in bloodstains. Hudson looked over and froze in place.

"Leah, what's that on your clothes?" Hudson asked.

4

Leah rubbed her eyes and walked over step by step.

"Daddy, I'm so hungry," she said.

Hudson glanced at the dried bloodstains on Leah's clothes, then at the paint on the coffee table. His face turned pale.

"Your mom didn't even bother to change your clothes? She actually let you sleep in them?" he said, frustrated.

Hudson checked his watch and took Leah's hand, asking, "Where's your mom?"

Leah pointed toward the master bedroom.

"Mommy is still sleeping," she said.

Hudson's frown deepened.

"Hailey, get up. Leah needs to go to school soon, and she hasn't even had breakfast. You're getting more and more irresponsible," Hudson said, frustrated.

He waited for a while but didn't get a response from me. Hudson angrily headed toward the master bedroom.

I felt a bit of excitement.

As soon as Hudson opened the door, he would discover that I was already dead.

Just as Hudson reached the master bedroom door, the phone he left on the dining table rang.

I kept whispering in his ear, "Hudson, just open the door. As soon as you do, you'll see that I'm already dead."

But Hudson paused and went back to the living room to grab his phone.

I saw the caller ID. It was Ayla Baker, Hudson's unattainable dream girl.

"Hudson, Rylee woke up with a fever this morning. I don't know what to do by myself. Can you come help me?" Ayla's anxious voice came through the phone.

Ayla's urgent tone instantly brought a look of panic to Hudson's face.

It was a look that had never appeared on his face, even when Leah had a fever of 104°F.

"Wait for me at home. I'll be there soon," Hudson said hurriedly.

Hudson put on his shoes and was about to leave. He turned around after opening the door and saw Leah standing there, looking confused. He looked toward the master bedroom with annoyance.

"Hailey, stop being unreasonable, will you? Get up and get Leah ready for school. Ayla's child is sick, and I have to go over there," Hudson said, irritated.

"I can't take care of Leah anymore. Hudson, you can't leave her alone. Don't leave her by herself. She'll be scared."

I screamed in Hudson's ear, but he remained unmoved. He quickly shut the door and left.

5

The room fell silent again.

Leah ran back to the master bedroom. She gently shook my hand.

"Mommy, please wake up. I'm so hungry," she said, pleading.

But I could no longer make food for Leah.

Leah saw that I wasn't waking up. She picked up my phone and fiddled with it.

But my phone was already dead.

"Mommy, I can't unlock the phone. Can you help? I want to call Eva to buy me food," she asked.

I still didn't answer her.

Leah put down the phone. She touched my hand.

"Mommy, why is your hand so cold? Are you cold? I will get you some clothes, okay?" she said worriedly.

Leah got up from the floor. She went to the wardrobe and clumsily took out some coats to put on me.

"Mommy, now that you're wearing clothes, you won't be cold. I'm being good, right?" she asked proudly.

Leah pushed me. I immediately toppled over, still in a sitting position.

Leah was startled. She immediately began to cry.

"Mommy, what's wrong? Why won't you get up? I'm scared," she cried, frightened.

I wanted to hold Leah and comfort her. But I helpless.

Leah cried herself out. She held my hand.

"Mommy, what is death? Grandma said that when people die, they disappear. They can't talk or move. Mommy, are you dead?" she asked, confused.

"I'm dead. I can't be with you anymore. You need to be good and learn to take care of yourself, okay?" I whispered, full of sorrow.

My spirit crouched beside Leah.

Suddenly, I heard the door open. Hudson walked in quickly from outside.

"Hailey, you think you're something now, right? Not answering calls or texts. The teacher even called me, asking why you didn't take Leah to school," Hudson said angrily.

Hudson yelled furiously in the direction of the master bedroom. Leah was so frightened that she quickly got up and ran out.

Hudson saw that Leah was still wearing the same clothes from the morning. His anger grew. He grabbed Leah and headed toward the master bedroom.

"Hailey, all I did was visit Rylee. Is that reason enough for you to neglect Leah? How long are you going to keep being unreasonable?" Hudson shouted, furious.

As Hudson was about to push the door open, I was anxious.

"Is he finally going to find out?"